It’s an ongoing joke, and actually a surprisingly effective reassurance, that the worst attributes of my current admin job will be the material for my future career writing sitcoms. What are your twenties for but to meet the unusual individuals to feature in the next The Office or Spaced? The series will feature such gems as the interview, a range of questions from the sublime, Tell us a joke, ridiculous, Provide a word for word account of the advert for this job and down right illegal, Are you pregnant? Do you suffer from bad period pain? Do you get ill a lot?
Such is the job market at the moment, this interview is unfortunately not on the list of situations gloriously escaped, but the beginning of a couple of month’s stint. Whereas my interview was strange, a bit inept and verging on the dodgy – rather a clear representation of the job itself- I’m sure in larger corporations with a wealth of competing candidates at hand are demanding more and more from the candidates at the interview stage. I’m no stranger to lengthy application forms, phone interviews, assessment days, second interviews, competencies and tasks, and I’m hardly chasing a corporate job. Although mostly this process is mundane and gruelling, I never feel entirely distant from a hidden camera show where candidates are asked to perform a number of increasingly strange and humiliating tasks. It is a lesson in the lengths a candidate will go to in order to reach the golden nirvana of employment and the strange power of the individual in the suit across the table. Unless I’ve been particularly unlucky, there is a great comedic irony in the glowing terms with which a candidate must discuss their desire to manage databases, answer phones and compose generic emails at interview, and the disdain with which the job is picked over by pub-time on Friday of the first week.
If we’re a generation taught to pass exams through meeting predetermined assessment objectives, then perhaps this is the job application process for us. We must show our ability to meet all required competencies with real-life and tangible examples, spelling out the relevance of each example in, if not simple, simplistic terms. We are all aware that passing A Levels is level of intelligence combined significantly with repetitive training in how exactly to answer the question. The job market is similarly dominated by successful candidates who have successfully trained themselves or been trained to hit each competency.
Feeling the irrelevance of these questions to my ability to the job could be sour grapes or it could be an indication that I’m applying for the wrong type of job. It could be a naïve and childish reaction to the mundane world of work. Indeed, lying in the middle of the kitchen floor and wailing It’s not fair! does feel like a tempting prospect. I’ve done all that’s been asked of me, dutifully completing school, A Levels and university, only to realise that which I already knew, but hadn’t come to terms with - that the big wide world of work is not a new range of opportunities and freedom, but a daily struggle to maintain good humour, interest and hopefully at least a small corner of your soul.

So the summer days have ducked and slipped past us. It is September, and for those graduated this year, it’s a moment of horrible clarity. While failing to have a plan or concrete employment during July and August seems like a usual and fluid state of affairs, facing down a long winter in the same position is a truly unnerving experience. This is the first September in several years to be absent from reading lists and timetabled commitments, and it has arrived. The time has come to reflect on how we have spent our first graduate months.

Between working strange and unusual hours at strange and unusual jobs, I am still job-hunting; my months since graduation cannot be said to be going swimmingly. Checking job websites daily does, however, provide some macabre entertainment. Jargon is quickly learnt. Ignore any advert that requires outgoing people or those with spirit. It is charity mugging. Money-motivated? Up for a grinding, commission-only sales job? And one quick question, when did ‘graduate job’ become synonymous with ‘unpaid’? Whilst all in favour of linguistic evolution in meaning, it is galling to click on ‘Graduate Jobs’ only to find reams of internships and work experience that claim to great opportunities, but on further inspection appear to be three months of unpaid admin, just within sniffing distance of a competitive industry.

Of course, there are internships that provide what they should, swapping the green enthusiasm of a raw graduate for an insight and experience within a company. However, there are many that do not. I have seen an advert for an internship in the film industry that actively specified, not only should applicants be willing to work long and hard in difficult conditions and have a specific political viewpoint, but also that they shouldn’t be applying for the internship in order to gain experience. Goodness knows what the company was expecting - individuals there for the pure love of photocopying and making tea? Tea and warm photocopies do both have a special place in my heart, but even I would like a little knowledge out of an internship.